October 10, 2012

October 10, 2012 was another unique day in history that will never happen again. I spent it getting rid of many things that contribute to an offended heart that have a hold on my life like rejection, unforgiveness, and anger. I didn't realize how much these things are a big part of my life. So we broke those off. It was pretty good. Chase also taught on discipleship and how we should seek out FAT disciples. He almost died laughing and turned red like a tomato. It was pretty cute. But FAT also stands for Faithful, Available and Teachable. So Matt really doesn't have to feel bad about being FAT :P

I got to talk a whole conversation with my future husband named Tim. It was pretty exciting. We talked about things such as St. Louis, cats, places we have traveled and his Mickey Mouse jumper. I think he will propose tomorrow.

Right now my little sis Hanny (Douglas) is braiding my hair and watching Pride and Prejudice. What a little multitasker!

I spent the evening writing my CIR journal for the week because it is due tomorrow! So I got it all done! I am so impressed with myself. I got it handed back to me today, and got it done to hand in again. Wow. I am such a hard worker. For my character trait of God I chose compassionate. Because it says all over the bible that he is compassionate. Which means that he feels for others when they are suffering AND tries to help in order to alleviate the suffering. This confuses me so much. How can this be when there is so much suffering in the world? Or even just me. I am suffering because I feel like he is not really speaking to me in an unquestionably God way and I am so frustrated sometimes that I am in tears, in pain because I want God so bad. Why doesn't he just reveal Himself to me an a way that I will know that it is Him? It wouldn't be too hard for him since he is all powerful. It really confuses me.

But I know that he does have a compassionate heart. I felt it that day a couple of weeks ago when I hugged mah girl Tasia and felt God's love for her, and his sadness at seeing her upset. And God gave me His feelings for her and all I wanted to do was to help her and to take away her pain in any way possible. So why doesn't he just take it away?

I think compassion is such an intense character trait for me to study because God has given me the gift of compassion. I feel so much when others suffer. But I often feel like it is out of my power to help them and that I won't be able to make a difference because I am just one imperfect little person. And for the past few years I have noticed that I have turned off these feelings, and I just become numb when I see others suffering, so that I don't have to feel for them and suffer for them with no way to help them. This isn't ok. But I feel like God has reignited compassion within me and I now feel it fully again. Maybe he will somehow equip me with some sort of tools so that I can help those who suffer. The Holy Spirit?... Food for thought.

I had to miss out on the Pride and Prejudice movie tonight because of CIR writing. I was told that I am not a girl since I have never seen that movie. I could have sworn I was a girl though. Weird.

Anyways, I am prepping my mind for another day of evangelism on the streets of Taurunga tomorrow afternoon. Pray for me please! I need courage and boldness to spread the simple gospel and God's love to unsuspecting citizens.