Imodium

Today was the third day of Heart Transplant. I didn't cry once! Yay. Success. We learned more about letting God take care of our hearts instead of trying to make it on our own.

At the beginning of class, Goldie asked if anyone had any comments on what we had talked about so far. Some people said some stuff, and I put up my hand. I said "Ughhhhhhh." and then I said "Ughhhhhh." And then I told her (and everyone) that yesterday after lunch I was so overwhelmed and just had to cry. I told her that I went to the prayer room and started screaming. Matt confirmed this. Apparently Anne was not the only one that thought I was dying. And I told her about how I realized that I have a lot of suppressed anger inside of me, and that I think part of it is from disappointment. I realized after talking with Carly that most of my disappointments on my list of disappointments were from other people and not from God. Since I was giving so much power to other people, this is like making them my God. Because only God should have the power to make be feel that way. Interesting. I told her that I wrote a song about it. Then she made me sing it in front of everyone. Awesome. I didn't really practice it, and couldn't remember exactly how it went. But I sang it anyways. The lyrics are:

Who am I to shield my heart from hurts that disappoint me?
Who am I to shrug it off like it does not upset me?

Chorus:
My God is here to remind me it's OK to cry
My God is here to walk me through the pain
My God is here to remind me it's OK to cry
My God is here to wipe my tears away

Who are they to touch my heart to bring pain and disappoint?
Who are they that I would let them take the place of my God?

Bridge:
Take my heart of stone
I can't do it alone

It was really cool when I sang it because the whole class was completely silent. And then they clapped so loud. And they encouraged me and such and said it gave them shivers. Yay. Good song. Good comes out of bad times.

We had rec today with only the Fiji teams. So it was Fiji 1 vs. Fiji 2. Obviously Fiji 1 was number 1 (mostly because that is my team). But it was such a gong show. Hannah was like an autistic child sitting in the middle of the court looking for 4 leaf clovers (I'm sorry if that is an inappropriate comment, it is a perfect description). And no one except for Van could play volley ball. Oh man. I hope that that mess won't be representative of outreach or else we will be in for some trouble.

If you get queasy easily, don't read any further...

In other news, my digestive system is under attack. For the past week-ish, I have been having the runs and have been so gassy. Today it is so bad. I went for a run and there was diarrhea seeping into my pants the whole time. I feel so gross. I constantly am burping or farting. I don't know what is happening. And currently my stomach is cramping. I think I am going through labour or something. I am in such a sucky mood from it. I am going to bed. And I hope I don't poop in my bed because I just washed my sheets. And I feel so bad for my roommates. Since hot air rises, Kat will be in a really unfortunate situation as she is on the top bunk. This would be so unfair for her because she was just super nice to me and ran into the other room to get my notebook, and when I realized that I told her the wrong notebook, she went and got the right one. Aweeeeeeee.

But maybe there is hope. Hannah was kind enough to let me have some of her Imodium. The instructions are: 2 caplets initially, followed by 1 caplet after each loose unformed stool as needed. HAHA.

ps. Yes, Van, girls do talk about poop and diarrhea and farts.