The only room in my little cottage that has a heater is the bathroom. So I am currently sitting on the toilet blogging. It is far too cold everywhere else!
Today was such an awesome day.
I started my day off with prayer. Carly had given me one of her daily devotions that she thought I should read, so I went through that. It was all about suffering in order to become closer to God. Once one stops fighting against their state of suffering and accepts it and stops pleading for it to be taken, that is when God will answer. I feel like a big theme for me in this season is healing. But first I have to submit to God and let go of everything so that He can be in control. God has been preparing me for a few months, even before I came to NZ, and I have been gradually letting go of all of my plans for my future. Yet still something still has it's hold on me. I am praying for God to show me what that might be. That is what today has been about.
I think that one thing that I was holding onto was a yearning for acceptance by my peers. And I found myself constantly worrying about being cool and sitting with the cool people, whoever the cool people are, and worrying about whether everybody liked me. I was craving acceptance and reassurance from my peers. But the whole point of this DTS is to understand that the reason I feel the need for acceptance is that I was born with a yearning for it, but the only way that it can be filled is by God. Today something changed in me and I just let go of all of that worry and today was so awesome, and I was able to just be myself and not care what anyone else thinks... and guess what! They like me anyways so I shouldn't have been worrying.
I did yoga today and it felt awesome. I really need to get back into doing it every day. My mantra for the next while is going to be something to do with submission to God and release of everything that holds me back.
Today was our first day of work duties. I got to be in the kitchen and bake. I made some delicious lemon squares, that I cannot eat.... Dang. Oh well, everyone tells me they were delicious.
Josh Cole is the speaker this week. He is talking on 'hearing God'. This is totally what I need right now. Today he absolutely blew my mind (and everyone elses). He talked about the human heart and all that it yearns for. There are 7 things:
1. Longing to be enjoyed by God
2. Longing to be fascinated
3. Longing for beauty
4. Longing for greatness
5. Longing for intimacy without shame
6. Longing to be whole-hearted
7. Longing to make a deep and lasting impact
All of these things HAVE to be satisfied. They cannot be ignored, denied or pacified. And the only way to have them fully satisfied is through God. But the Devil is the master of counterfeit, and time and time again we all are fooled by his tricks and we become addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol, affirmation by peers, the list goes on... but these never satisfy, they are only finite. But God is infinite.
Man, God is working in me. He still has a lot to do, but my faith is becoming stronger by the minute and as that happens then I will start to really change. I am still praying for a revelation of the Fathers love. I know that that is what I have been craving desperately. And I think that I am finally starting to understand Him and understand how I can get closer with Him.
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