Questionable Authority

I am trying to put my finger on the one general occurrence that hurt/upset/angered/etc. me at DTS. It is really hard to pinpoint any one thing, even generally, because there were so many, but the one that I have been ruminating on today is the leadership that was lacking at my YWAM base. I think that the leadership was very much corrupted by selfishness and pride, which blocked some of the 'authority figures' from doing God's will, and lead them to do their own selfish will.

I keep thinking about a particular person from my favorite summer camp who was/is an outstanding leader. Let's call her Bops. And I keep comparing the staff and director of my DTS to her, and I can see why I was so upset during DTS. Bops spends every summer (and a good portion of the rest of the year) dealing with people who are, for lack of a better term, nineteen-and-useless. This is a term we used at camp to describe counsellors who were 19. When you turn 18, you get to be an adult. When you turn 20, you don't have to be an obnoxious teen anymore. When you turn 21, you are legal pretty much everywhere (especially Las Vegas). But when you turn 19, what are you? Useless.

The whole nineteen-and-useless thing was kind of a joke, but also kind of totally and completely true. Generally, the first-time counsellors are 19. And generally first time counsellors are a bit useless until they get the hang of it and mature a bit. I think back to my first summer at camp, when I was 19, and the rule definitely holds true for me.

Anyways, Bops spends all summer every summer mentoring and guiding these useless 19 year olds to become useful leaders who can take care of children and teach them useful skills. And every summer she succeeds. She succeeds because she leads with such grace and love. She is still the boss, and knows when to put down her foot. But she is also a friend and willing to be hilarious and have the funnest times. She has the amazing ability to push you in the direction of growth and maturation without actually commanding you to do anything. She is completely fair in the way she treats everyone, no matter how annoying they are. And she is so forgiving, and never holds mistakes against anyone. She might joke about it, but she won't hold a grudge or use ridiculous punishing tactics.

So, I learned to lead from one whom I am proud to say is an amazing leader, and Bops is the standard that I hold myself to, and others as well. Unfortunately, the director of my DTS was not as gracious and loving as Bops, and she liked to rule with what I like to call TOTAL CONTROL. Or in other words, a totalitarian dictatorship. Everyone had to submit to her rule, and any question of her authority was means for dismissal, or more likely, an exorcism. Even if she was being unfair, or if she was trying to shove some unbiblical teaching down your throat and claiming that it was the word of God. Really, not much in common with Bops, except that we will refer to her as B, and Bops starts with B. But don't get the two confused because there is no relation.

I still can't quite figure out the reason that B had such a vendetta against me. I hope that vendetta is the right word, I don't actually know what it means. It just sounds right.

BAHHAHAA I just looked it up on google and this is what popped up:

ven·det·ta

venˈdetə/

noun

1.

a blood feud in which the family of a murdered person seeks vengeance on the murderer or the murderer's family.

Pretty accurate.

HAHA obviously I am joking. (That Canadian sarcasm coming out that is apparently such a sin, I apologize..... Not. Oh Sarcasm, how I love you). But B did pursue me with the bloodthirstyness of one that had been thoroughly offended, and she did try to force her beliefs on me in a very non-loving way. A way that could almost be described as abuse. She repeatedly called me into her office, always finding little things about me that needed to be broken off by prayer. At first it was fine and I was open to it, but after a while it just got exhausting and felt like she was tearing me apart completely and didn't feel right. She even called me to her office because she heard that I had read Harry Potter and therefore had decided that I had an obsession with the occult. Ummmmmm, no. That was the final straw. No more 'prayer' allowed.

All joking aside, I think that she was offended because I did question some of her teachings. And she saw it as rebellion against her authority. When in reality, I am just a person who questions everything and researches new ideas thoroughly before accepting them as correct or as part of my beliefs. And I am especially questioning when it comes to matters of faith and christianity in general. It's just the way that I am. And it is healthy to question things, that way you can be sure that you don't get sucked into anything sketchy.

I really just wanted to be sure that I was getting the biblical truth, I didn't want to 'rebel against authority' or whatever. And B did teach a few things that were her extrabiblical interpretations, and I did not accept them simply because God is the ultimate authority, and the bible is the source for His word, and His Word did not corroborate B's. However, I did consider her teachings deeply and pray and read scripture to come to a conclusion before accepting or rejecting anything. And this was the reason that B picked on me so much, at least that is the only reason that I can think of for her unjust treatment.

So, in conclusion of this thought stream, I think that B's treatment of me, and her use of her position to manipulate and oppress and even abuse, was the center of most of my resentment. So I get to work through that now. Awesome. Stay tuned, or not. Whatever. I don't mind.