What a week. I was reunited with my cottage 5 girls for a short week, and now we are all parting ways. This week was a good week. It was nice to have things back to 'normal', if only for a short time. However, I did not particularly miss the food at the base. Rick does an awesome job with what he can, when he can. But sometimes I wish for something other than tuna, and maybe some dressing for my salad. Woe is me. But today at lunch I had my last meal there. It was glorious. A few slices of peppers and some potatoes that were left over from graduation night. Mmmmm.
This week was pretty packed. My mind is still unpacking itself after outreach and after this week. When I first got back to the base after outreach, I was feeling pretty low. I got really tired of everything in the last month of outreach. I just felt like I was sitting around doing nothing at all. In the last couple of weeks I was able to read a LOT of the old testament, ALL of the Lord of the Rings and another book because there was SO MUCH free time. And I did not have my beloved computer with me, so I was unable to just sit on the internet for hours at the library like the others on my team. It was really unfortunate. And somehow, the only music that could be played on the speakers in the complex was Taylor Swift. Any time I put some good music on, it somehow got unplugged and Taylor got put on. It was a miserable existence. And if Taylor wasn't on the ipod, Hannah and Van were singing her loudly with the guitar. I never thought that I would be so thankful for Beats by Dr. Dre. So I was just ready to be done by the time we got back. And if I EVER hear any songs on Taylor Swift's RED album, I will punch the person that plays it in the face.
I felt really trapped during outreach because I was not allowed to post in my blogs unless they were censored by staff. And any time I expressed my frustration with the amount of time that we spent doing nothing during the beginning of outreach, I got in big trouble. And I got threatened to be sent home if I didn't 'smarten up' and 'tame my tongue'. So, I started to retreat inside of myself because I wasn't allowed to use my blog as an outlet and I wasn't even allowed to speak out how I was feeling. So I got really really down and angry about outreach because I just felt so suffocated. I actually could not wait to get the heck out of there and go home. It was really hard. And I ended up getting really home sick because the only person I could speak honestly with was my mom.
But this week was so nice. I got reunited with my cottage 5 family, and I was able to talk to them about all of the frustrations that I was not allowed to express for the past 2 months. It was pretty hard at first though, because the India and China teams had such awesome stories and it sounded like they all had such an amazing time. I was so jealous. I had fun in Fiji and met AMAZING people who effected me in huge ways, but it was more of a vacation than a mission trip. Drunk Fest at Paihia was SUPER AWESOME. And I would have probably enjoyed Kaitaia more if I liked children's programming, and if we were busier for the whole time. But again, there were awesome people who were so amazing and hospitable and I will never forget them, but most of the time I felt like I was a tourist and on vacation. I was really disappointed in the amount of ministry that we did. I was hoping to be pushed out of my comfort zone and have to pray in ways that I was scared of or to preach or to lead worship or something, but those opportunities were not available to me on this outreach. And when I heard about the other outreaches and how they got to do all of that stuff, I felt really insignificant and pathetic and started being even more disappointed in my outreach.
But once I was able to let all of my frustrations out, and just hang out with my friends that I hadn't seen in 2 months, I started to feel a bit happier. I guess that I just need to let go of all of my frustrations and disappointments with the outreach, and let go of the fact that the majority of my time was spent sleeping and reading and not ministering to people. I have been trying to think about what God was trying to teach me through this outreach. Maybe I will have the revelation later in life. I think that I learned how to live with a group of people that drive me crazy. I don't think I grew much spiritually, which is what I had been hoping for.
Despite my annoyance with all of that, since I had so much free time, I was able to write lots of songs, and to practice singing. Hannah gave me a few tips which have helped out my voice a lot. And of course there were the Sumasafu's. Living with them was definitely a highlight of my DTS. I think I learned the most from them and they impacted me more than anyone else on this DTS. They just knew how to love. They opened up their home to 7.5 crazy white people (Jacob is half asian, so he can have a .5), and they just loved us from the minute we got there to the minute we left. And I actually miss them so much. And as much as I disliked my outreach, I think that they made it worth it.
And I was allowed to graduate DTS on Wednesday evening, which surprised me after all of the 'talks' I had to endure. And now I am free! And now I can blog about poop if I want, and I can blog about my real feelings. Praise Jesus. Because my blog will not impact anyone if all I write about is rainbows and daisies. People need to see the struggles and the triumphs that come after the struggles. So expect some more blogs about DTS in the upcoming weeks as I reflect further.
But as for now, this morning was a sad morning. It was the last time that cottage 5 will all be in one place at one time. Kiwi Hannah left with her 'rentals this morning to head back to Wellington, and then Kat went off with her 'rentals to sight see. And the rest of us hopped on a bus to Auckland where we are now awaiting impending flights and buses that await everyone.
The highlight of my life right now, though, is beer. I have not had any beer in over 5 months. That is a long time for a Canadian girl such as myself. Especially when the weather is so nice. There is something about sunshine and heat that just makes me want to have a nice cold beer in the sun. Just one though. No one needs to go crazy here. Don't even think about that. So anyways, I had beer. And unfortunately for my intestines, gluten free beer was not available, and I am sick of not having delicious things because they contain gluten. So I apologize to my insides and what they will have to endure for the next few days. And I also apologize to everyone that has to go to the bathroom after me in the next few days. And I have a stamp on my hand from the pub we went to, so I hope that I don't have a Never Been Kissed moment tomorrow morning!
P.S. Auckland is beautiful!
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